CROCS CLASSICS

I was in Las Vegas several years ago, and stayed at a hotel near the then-new Fashion Show Mall. I went there a few times, and saw a couple of eager teenagers/twentysomethings hawking these supremely ugly German-looking rubber ‘clogs’ from a cart in the middle of the mall floor. I immediately thought they must be undergrads from UNLV business school working on a class project to prove the free market works if you just try hard enough. I felt sorry for them, just like I feel sorry for the New York City kids trying to sell Hershey bars and packs of Starburst on the sidewalks and subways in Midtown so they can buy new basketball uniforms for their high school (and prove the free market works if you just try hard enough).

So I tried on a pair. They were a little squishy, but not in a bad way. I always followed the Billy-Crystal-as-Fernando-Lamas dictum, “It’s better to look good than to feel good”, so I passed. These things were, and still are, hideous. They do not – repeat: NOT - grow on you. But every time I went to the mall, and listened to those eager kids, and looked at the (still) low $29.99 price tag, my style resolve weakened just a little.

So on my last day in Vegas, on the way to Please-Take-Off-Your-Shoes-Sir Airport, I broke down and bought a pair. What the hell, right? I mean, they were cheap, roomy, easy to take off and put back on, made of urethane (that’s ‘fancy rubber’ in dog years), making them airport friendly. And I almost always loosen or take off my shoes when flying anyway. I could just factor them into the price of my plane ticket, and toss them when I got home. Kind of like those little one-time-use toothbrushes the airlines throw at you on overnight flights.

Funny thing, once I got back to NYC (where I walk practically everywhere), I wore them every day for two weeks straight. Then one morning I woke up and I noticed that my plantar fasciitis (that’s ‘heel spurs’ in dog years) was gone. That is, it didn’t feel like my first step out of bed was right onto a roofing nail; also, my feet/legs/back didn’t hurt after standing in line for an hour to see Alien vs. Predator. Or was that Batman Begins? Now I have three pairs. Because sometimes it’s better to feel good than to look good.

Sorry, Fernando Lamas.

HISTORY

Crocs sprouted sometime in 2004.

STANDOUT FEATURE/WHAT MAKES THEM GREAT

These pieces of footwear (I still can’t call them ‘shoes’) really are really therapeutic, really. Whenever I have tired feet, like after spending a day in my brogues (that’s ‘business shoes’ in dog years), I put on my Crocs just to walk around my apartment, and they feel better INSTANTLY - no joke.

CHEAP?

You bet.

VALUE (GREATNESS/PRICE RATIO)

Thirty bucks for the originals. That’s about what a taxi to the orthopedist’s costs. I give them a score of UFB (Un-Effing-Believable).

CATCH

Hideous. I mean, really hideous. Plus these don’t do well on smooth wet surfaces, even though they were originally pushed as boating shoes (still haven’t figured that out).

BONUS

The perfect shoes for kids, at least until they get traumatized by the elementary school fashion police (still haven’t figured that out).

HIDDEN GEM?

Hardly. They’re all too visible, especially the neon orange and yellow ones. Nothing stealthy here. They’re so ugly, you can’t help noticing them.

HOW TO GET ‘EM

Crocs now has actual stores, and you can always buy from their own or other websites. Some sizes, like my men’s 12, seem to be available only at Crocs stores (still haven’t figured that out).

AVAILABLE IN BLACK?

Yes.

VICTORINOX SWISS ARMY CLASSIC KEYCHAIN POCKET KNIFE

I loved my Dad, and my Dad loved me; he also loved pocket knives, especially Swiss Army pocket knives. When we were kids, he made sure me and my brother always had at least one good pocket knife. Meaning at least one good Swiss Army pocket knife. We used the little magnifying glasses to burn holes in dried-up leaves, the little saws to cut off small branches from trees, the big blades to sharpen the branches into spears, the files to smooth the ends of the spears. We would play with our newly-fashioned spears, pretending and convincing ourselves that we could fight off bears and snakes and hunt rabbits and deer and feed ourselves in the wild. At least we would do that until my Mom called us inside for dinner. Then we would watch Grizzly Adams on TV and do the whole thing over again the next day. Man it was great to be a kid with a really good pocket knife.

I grew up, moved to the big city, and for the most part stopped carving spears. But a good pocket knife is still a pretty useful thing to have around. Mine cut open UPS boxes, uncorked bottles of wine, pulled out splinters, filed down rough edges, all sorts of things. I found it on the street, while I was riding my bike. It has a little clock on its case, which I actually think is a Swatch. So I can even use my knife to tell time if I need.

I found another one on the street, again riding my bike (honest!). It’s a small one, with a keychain ring, the Classic. It had been run over by a car, so the case was slightly broken, and the tweezers were gone. I brought it to the Victorinox store in SoHo, and they sent it to Switzerland to be cleaned, sharpened, oiled, and to fix the busted case. When I got it back, it really was like new. They even gave me a new pair of tweezers. Oh, and there was no charge, not even for shipping. Now it’s on my keychain and when I’m out I use it to open uncooperative packaging, cut fraying threads and other loose ends, pull out splinters, all sorts of things, only smaller.

Boy it's great to be an adult with a really good pocket knife.

HISTORY

Victorinox started making knives for the Swiss army in 1897, when I guess they instantly established a worldwide reputation for quality, excellence, and innovation. Or something to that effect, if you read their website.

STANDOUT FEATURE/WHAT MAKES IT GREAT

Really does fit on your keychain. Just the right size. Big enough to be useful, not so big that it cramps your pocket style.

CHEAP?

Yup.

VALUE (GREATNESS/PRICE RATIO)

Twenty bucks for precision surgical steel. That’s enough for a grade of PDG (Pretty Damn Good).

CATCH

You might forget you have it when you try to go through airport security.

BONUS

Free lifetime repair service from Victorinox.

A HIDDEN GEM?

Yes and no. Most people know what a Swiss Army Knife is. But they might not know that they come in this size.

HOW TO GET IT

Victorinox’s US website, Victorinox stores, Amazon, camping stores, Macy’s, other department stores.

AVAILABLE IN BLACK?

Yes.

What's available in black?

“What’s ‘available in black’?”

you may ask. That’s a good question. Because a lot of good stuff is available in black, but not everything. Everyday things, usually small, that can make a big difference in our lives. That make a difference in my everyday life, anyway. They don’t need to be expensive; in fact, economy is a fine characteristic, and a key component of value.

Which would be better: something that’s elegant and expensive, and so attracts attention, but doesn’t perform properly? Or something that’s inexpensive, even cheap, and so maybe even attracts “the wrong kind of” attention, but is so practical, so useful, as to be valuable? You see, I think it's a false choice. There’s no fundamental reason why something that’s useful and practical can’t be attractive, even elegant.

And there’s usually no excuse for whatever you’re after not to be had in black. The most versatile of colors, it’s subtle, it goes with everything. And it’s easier to clean.

These are objects which offer good value, strive for good style, and are not ubiquitous. They are hidden gems, mostly. Emphasis on ‘mostly’, because stealth is more art than science. And once something attractive hits the radar, it makes the descent from ‘style’ to ‘fashion’, then fades.

So I’ll take a look at certain items, certain objects from time to time – weigh the merits, look for catches, suss out their value, describe what makes them true gems. See if they’re the stuff for future sentiment.

Oh, and let you know if they’re available in black.

R.O.G.V.